My American colleagues never say I'm sorry. Why?

A few months ago, one of my Japanese clients asked me why their American-based counterparts, fellow officers, never apologized for their errors. Specifically, they were a bit frustrated that they never used the words 'I'm sorry'. Of course, a deep, enthusiastic apology would be a formality in Japan for any inconvenience caused by your actions. I offered an explanation based on my personal work experience during my time within the Financial Services sector in America.

In each of the financial institutions I worked, as an officer, VP, etc., it was better to use just about any other combination of words other than 'I'm sorry' when presented with a significant issue you or your team caused. 'I'm sorry', although a considerate thing to say, would be perceived by senior management to reflect your feelings about the event. If your team's error caused a significant enough problem (the restating of financial statements, etc.), no one would be concerned with your feelings on the matter. In closed-door meetings, I have witnessed senior managers respond to an ill-advised 'I'm sorry' by a junior officer. In each case, it was extremely unpleasant to observe.

As an officer, you are tasked with managing your firm's critical processes. For each process, you have a dedicated team you lead. It is expected you know your process from end-to-end, know your team member's abilities, and can proactively monitor and anticipate potential issues before any disruptions occur. For these responsibilities, you are usually compensated more generously. Your primary job as an officer is to ensure problems don't occur. As such, if there is a major problem, it would highlight the fact that safeguards that should already have been in place failed. Instead of your feelings, senior management would only be interested in hearing how you plan to fix the problem.

If things do break down, focusing on words that express your accountability is preferable to an apology. Instead of 'I'm sorry', phrases like 'I take full responsibility for this issue', 'It was an oversight on my part', or something similar would be preferable. However, immediately following this, you should concisely describe the cause of the problem, detail the stakeholders impacted, and state how you plan to fix it. After the problem is resolved, you should follow up with your management team and give them your recommendations for new safeguards for your process. This is the reassure them you are in control of the situation and that any likelihood of the issue happening again is minimal, if not eliminated entirely.

So, is there ever an acceptable time to apologize, to use the words 'I'm sorry'? Yes, after the issue has been fully resolved and the business cycle is completed. In the past, I have said 'I'm sorry' to my managers and other colleagues during a drinking party, as I offered to buy them drinks to make up for the inconveniences that were caused by me or my team. I have found moments such as these were more appropriate to express how you felt about your errors. Also, in these situations, people are more relaxed and open to forgiving and forgetting.

Here is another point to consider on this topic. In my experience, the words 'I'm sorry', if overused, could come back to haunt you. As an officer, if you found yourself continually apologizing for errors and using using 'I'm sorry', you would develop a negative reputation. First, for making many errors. Second, for constantly using what many perceive as weak language in the business environment in the West. This could be especially problematic if you included this language in emails and instant messages. Those messages could later be used against you.

As an officer of the firm, you are tasked with considerable responsibilities and your actions are more visible. Your performance is continually being assessed by the senior management team. How you manage yourself matters. This extends to your performance, your leadership skills, your appearance, and how effectively you communicate. As such, you should avoid doing anything that could give anyone a negative perception of you.

In the end, I suggested to my Japanese client they use language that immediately communicates their accountability and their proactivity in solving the problem versus language that is apologetic when dealing with their American counterparts.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you disagree with any of my observations? Do you interact with colleagues based in Western countries? What are the customs in your country if a significant error is made?

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As always, thank you for your time.

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